:@2023.10.14:It’s been some time since I posted an explicit introspective entry here. Plus, the old ones are hidden away at the moment. Perhaps I’ll bring one back with this post.
I’m doing quite well. I got my Bachelor’s in May after a thesis that almost killed me. I spent the summer with family, immediate and extended. Now I’m working.
My favorite people in the world are among those I live with, which is new. (Is it weirder if they (you?) read or don’t read this?) I’m meditating again. I intend to continue. Keep me honest.
A few weeks ago I realized I was trying to systematize every part of my life. I successfully let a little loose. Although, I’ve been thinking a lot about a theory I have about when and how much to systematize and organize things. Oops. Writing to come on that, at least.
It’s awfully kind of loneliness to be so blatantly complicated. I maintain relationships better than ever, I live with angels, and my coworkers are all delightful. Still, I have lonely twinges most nights. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship in a while, so that’s probably a part of it.
It feels so uncool to say that. The culture around me holds that no one should yearn for a relationship. Enter one, sure, and treasure what you have, but learn to be happy on your own for everyone’s safety. I try. Can I be someone who likes being with someone?
It also feels strange to say I’d like to be in a relationship when I know I’m looking for a particular type of person and definitely haven’t met them.
Perhaps this is too much information for the public. I convince myself that these thoughts are common, so to read me is catharsis for people who don’t express them.
It’s good to be back here. As always, I hope my activity lasts this time. I have a predictable schedule these days, after all.
Ty